April 19th 2019: The second of two consecutive Libra Full Moons.
The Great American Solar Eclipse in August of 2017 was the second of two consecutive Leo New Moons, which began the irregular pattern of new moons culminating in full moons of a quincunx sign (e.g. Leo New Moon followed by Pisces Full Moon, then Virgo New Moon followed by Aries Full Moon, etc.) April 2019 officially resets the natural pattern of new moons culminating in the opposite sign with the Aries New Moon followed by Libra Full Moon #2.
On the final degree of Libra, this full moon forms a grand trine with Lilith in Aquarius and Juno in Gemini; Venus in Pisces is square Juno and quincunx the Moon.
At 29° Aries, the Sun is conjunct Uranus in Taurus, reactivating the depressive energies of Inanna’s descent through the third eye gate last December: an emergency burning. When you find yourself in a survival situation, you sacrifice non-essential items for warmth and light.
I had surgery that first week of December, and since then it’s been laid bare that my responsibilities as a single parent are incompatible with my need for rest and healing. My health has continued to suffer and my lessons around learned helplessness are turned up full volume- when we are triggered so frequently that we never actually get the chance to fully process it and come back to center, it can be nearly impossible to believe that life could be anything other than trauma. Even when we can objectively tell ourselves “it won’t be like this forever” the emotional body is drained and in shock, giving us a real sense of dread and hopelessness to contend with. With the crushing presence of Pluto and Saturn conjunct the south node in Capricorn, we can’t see the forest for the trees (a more accurate metaphor might be, we can’t see the war for the artillery).
Asteroid Hekate is retrograde at 20° Virgo, making her second of three sextiles to the north node, and repeating her trines to Saturn, south node, and Pluto. In context of learned helplessness this speaks to me about the will to survive. When the attacks come continuously, it can be a natural psychological result to give up on trying to find a way to make it stop. It takes nothing short of mastery to undo this programming. After a lifetime or many lifetimes of accepting abusive treatment, awakening to the realization that self-defense is an option, opens up the will to survive in a whole new dimension. For many of us there’s an initial phase where we go too far with unhealthy avoidance as we seek to distance ourselves from anything that makes us feel an unwanted emotion. Hekate the Oracle is telling us that in order to harness our will to survive, we need to distinguish the difference between the harmful things we can and should defend ourselves from, and the everyday challenges that are a part of who we are.
The 29° Aries Sun (alongside Uranus) illuminates the emergency, torches our crutches and patches, and reinforces the survival themes of the collective life force; the 29° Libra Moon trine Lilith at 28° Aquarius (conjunct the ascendant, rising before dawn on the west coast as the Moon peaks in fullness) puts a spotlight on the skeletal remains of our core values- this can be liberating, bewildering, devastating, and it helps us honestly ask and answer those questions about how to tell the difference between avoidance and self defense, how to tell when putting yourself first is necessary or selfish.
Juno is exact on my natal ascendant at 29° Gemini, teaching me once again that when our boundaries are rigid and impermeable, we are trapping ourselves inside, but real freedom comes from being able to conjure custom boundaries for each unique situation and circumstance, and to do so consistently from a foundation of authentic values. Venus in Pisces is square Juno, challenging us to loosen our grip, surrender, and flow.
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